Just Because

Just wanted to say HELLOOOOO!! to my newest followers! I'll also go ahead and apologize for any foul language that I seem to be prone to when blogging about certain events, people, and topics in my life. I can't wait to see who I scare off first! :)

Kids Will Be Kids

If you wanna know what's wrong with the children of the world today, take a good hard look at their parents. I'm not talking about the occasional 3 year old in the grocery store screaming for a pop-tart; No, I'm referring to the "thugs" and "gangsters" that seem to never have anything better to do with their time than loiter. Usually disrespectful and almost always underage, their language is horrible, pants falling around their ankles, and generally wouldn't know how to form a proper sentence. Since when is, "Yo, what up, dawg!" a proper greeting? Where the hell are their parents? I'm not by any means a perfect parent or any kind of expert on the issue, but I damn sure know my child won't be loitering at the local gas station or Wal-Mart at all hours of the night. I've seen some people blame the general lack of respect on rap music, the latest movies, and the ever-present sensationlized video gaming industy. I enjoy some Left 4 Dead and Call of Duty every once in a while and I seem to be able to form proper sentences, wear clothes that fit (minus some cleavage) and respect my elders. I'm pretty much convinced these wayward kids have never had a good ole fashioned ass-whipping. Now, don't start beating your kids with wooden spoons yet. (That was my Mom's weapon of choice) These days, you simply can't spank your child in public, let them bounce around in the backseat without a seatbelt, or leave them home alone while you earn a living. The world as we know it has rapidly grown more violent and unpredictable. Should we blame the economy or President? How about, we blame ourselves. Quit having children you cannot afford. Quit expecting the government to provide for your family. Get off your ass and get a job (McDonald's hires almost anyone) Those kids that you do have, take the damn cellphone out of their hand, the game controllers too, and spend some freaking quality time with them. Go to the park, take them fishing, or fly a damn kite. It takes a very involved parent to raise a respectful, productive member of society. Now, we can argue socioeconomical issues all day. The fact is, you have to be willing to rise above the prejudices and work your ass off to get ahead. This is true for ANY member of every race and class. These "thugs" and "gangsters" are nothing but bored children dying for attention from their parents. Does it really take that much effort to sit down and talk to your child for 20 minutes a day? Didn't think so.

The Heart of the Problem

What is it about the primal need to run when you sense trouble heading your way? The fear of not knowing the outcome, or the ridiculous mindset of thinking you can't handle whatever may come. I've heard it said that "If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it." This may be true, but the real responsibility lies within. If you aren't smart enough to keep yourself out of trouble, then you should be resourceful enough to figure a way out. Most personal troubles are caused by the one with the problem. Sure, people are gonna run their mouth and create as much animosity as they can. You have to be the bigger person. I've had the unfortunate pleasure of knowing a few of these trouble-makers in my day. Some might say I was one myself at one point in time. The good thing about growing a year older each year is that we also grow wiser. Or you're supposed to. You have to learn from past mistakes and make the best out of the life you've created for yourself. Admitting you're the victim of your own circumstance is hard. It's too easy to blame the dog, the kids, the husband, or the crazy ex. I'm guilty of this myself. It's become too easy to blame my unhappiness on others. It's too easy to start and argument in order to create a fast distraction from the real problems at hand. I haven't always been as honest with myself, or others, as I have this past year. I'm brutally honest to the point of some thinking that I'm a horrible person. One person likes to tell me that I need to think of other's feelings before answering whatever question that's been asked of me. I'm sorry, but if you ask me if you look fat in something and you do, I'll tell you so. Why ask if you expect me to lie or spare your feelings? You know damn well you look fat in it. You don't need my input to make yourself feel better. Most people think I have been given an amazing life and should have no complaints. From the outside looking in, this might appear true. Sure, I have an amazing home with no mortgage payment. I have 2 paid off vehicles and 1 beautiful daughter. Money doesn't buy happiness or security. I'd be happier on 10 acres somewhere with cows, chickens, and dogs running loose in front of a home that was built from scratch. My one-time model home in our middle class suburban subdivison is simply by chance. The house was bought by my mother in law and is held in our family trust. In all reality, I am a victim of my own circumstance. I rushed into motherhood and marriage with a man I'd barely known. I passed up two lucrative job offers in favor of being a stay at home mother, and I quit a well-paying job too. I've created this life. My own decisions, whether good or bad, have led me directly to where I'm sitting now. Looking back, I'd change a few of those decisons, but never my choice to become a mother. If life isn't supposed to be about what designer clothes you wear, what type of car you drive, or how much your bank account is holding, then why is it? Why can't it just be simple; family, friends, BBQ's, and children. People drive themselves into debt and unhappiness chasing the "American Dream", but I have those things and it's not any better. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I got myself into this "dream" and I'll work my way out. It may take months or a couple years, but until I can go to bed at night and know that all I've got is the result of my own hardwork, I won't be happy. Call me a spoiled brat, I call it an honest attempt at creating a good foundation for my daughter.

The Grown Up Things

Wow, where have I been these last seven months? I can tell you where I haven't been, here and in Hell. Time seems to slip through my fingers when I'm chasing down my 3 year old and working. There's been some ups and downs along the road and some things have yet to work themselves out, but what's done is done. The world is always going spin and we're always going to co-exist. I'm a firm believer in "if it's mean to be, it'll happen" but I also am extremely impatient. So, in the Lollipop Guild when things don't start the way I'd want them to or WHEN I want them to, I tend to start kicking and screaming like an angry toddler who was just told they couldn't have an ice cream in the grocery store. I'm starting to realize that things can't always be MY way. There needs to be a two-way street of give and take and when everything falls into place, I'll be where I need to be. It takes hard work to remain civil with people you can't stand and to calmly hold your tongue when all you really want to do is scream "What the hell is your problem, jerk?!" This too goes along with not getting what you want when you want it. Most of you have probably learned this lesson early on and I'm showing up late to the party with a half empty six pack asking "Who's ready to party?" That's just me, I've always done things in my own time and how I want them to be done. Apparently, once you have children that shit goes out the window. I now run on Addi-time. It's 24/7 what she wants and when she wants it. Howcome nobody ever told me how selfish my child would be? Who is she to think I have to jump when she says? I'M the one that used to make people jump. She pulled the ole' switcheroo on me. I really wouldn't have it any other way. People keep saying, or at least I hear this quite often on Teen Mom, "you have to grow up, you have a child now." I think I pretty much did just that. It's all about her, what makes her happy, what makes her laugh, and what is best for her. And, there it is. My lame ass excuse as to why I haven't sat down in 7 months and updated this. I don't think it's exactly "lame" but you can call it whatever you want.

Hellooooo...is this thing on? Can you hear me?

The Rundown on Me

Ohhh....where to begin. Life isn't a peachy keen as it was during my last post. My beautiful baby girl is 2 1/2 years old now. She's the spitting image of me; mean like me; bossy like me; and 110% demonic. She's growing so fast and it's unreal how much she changes each day. Her new favorite saying? "Fuck off!" Yeah, I don't need to hear it from anyone, I already know. Mommy has a potty mouth and now my baby girl does too. I make an honest effort to censor what I say around her, but she always manages to be around when I slip. Hell, I'm only human and I figure her potty mouth is way better than her having a raging crack habit. My once happy marriage has now dissolved into mush...on my doing. I honestly don't think I was ever truly happy there. I think it was too fast and too much for me and it all kinda hit home at a time where I was more than capable of taking care of myself and my mini-monster. It wasn't an overnight ordeal either. It'd been coming for awhile and I tried and tried to fight it, but in the end, my own selfishness and need for independance won. As always. I'm happy now. My feet are cold at night, but I'll manage. Addi is happy, she isn't showing many signs of stress or shock from us moving out so I guess doing this while she was still pretty young was best for her. She loves her Daddy. All little girls do. I don't think him and I were ever supposed to live together and be together forever; however I do believe everything happens for a reason and whatever that reason is we have an amazingly well-rounded daughter together. Him and I don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things (and no, my miniature stature has nothing to do with this) and in the end, our vast differences were too big for me to ignore any longer. He didn't want this, but being the selfish asshole I am, I didn't take his opinion into consideration when I made my choice to leave. He's been pretty OK with the last few months though. He sees Addi when he's not working and that's all I ask of him. Enough with that now..

Work: I LOVE my job. I work with a great group of people who make me laugh hysterically everyday and who drive me batshit crazy all at the same time. Who the hell would've thought that merchant processing was any kind of fun?! Actually, its not; it's highly stressful, emotionally and mentally demanding, and ridiculously repetitive, but my co-workers make it fun. We all get along great (with the exception of this one old bag) and we truly enjoy working with each other. Oh, and they bring in a massage therapist every once in a while so we can all get a little rubdown. No happy ending included.

School: I'm like INCHES away from my Bachelor's Degree. I cannot wait to graduate and join the world of criminal investigation. I live for bloody, gory messes and I'm looking forward to throwing a few scumbags to the ground and holding my gun to their head. Seriously, and especially those sick fucks who prey on little children. Watch out, perv!

Life in General: I'm here. I'm happy. I'm living. I've got this one guy that lives in the land of sand stuck in my head for some reason lately. I have no clue why. I haven't talked to him in probably 3 years. Every once in a while he'll pop into my head and stay for a few weeks. I talked to his Mom today and left my number for him. I hear he's still playing around halfway across the world, but should be back in town on Monday. She gave me his number, but who knows. Maybe he'll call and maybe he'll get the message and not even have a clue who the hell I am. Eitherway, it makes me feel better knowing he's still alive. He was so much fun back then. He kept me company at work (or got me in a lot of trouble while I was there because we'd talk for so long) I kinda miss him. Funny thing is, when he's home; we only live about 45 minutes apart.

Here's to you, Cupcake. I heard you're alive and doing well and that makes me smile. If you're reading this, your mom has my number.

Mayo and Beer, Please

The Mayonnaise Jar & 2 Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.'One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

School's Out For Summer.....Well Not For Me

The kids may be singing from the mountain tops, forgetting about their 8pm bedtimes, and cramming in double time video games and movies. I, however, am hard and fast into college and have yet to have a break. My summer break, you ask? In two weeks. I get one week off. ONE WEEK! WTH?! I guess these are the days of being a responsible adult and doing the things I need to in order to provide a better life for my child and family. I'm positive I'll love the salary I'll have after graduation and I find a job in the "corporate world" of lawyers and paralegals. I know I love my profession. I don't know which field I'll go into yet. Gone are my days of trying a job for a few weeks and then bailing when I don't like the hours or the people I must co-exsist with for 8-10 hours a day. I'll have to suck it up and seriously think about my choice of career. Family law? Social work? Eitherway, I'll be drowning in paperwork, putting in long unaccustomed hours, and hopefully be driving the car of my dreams in a few short months. Yes, I still work from home. Yes, I still love it. I'm starting to feel like I am going to school for nothing. To have something to fall back on? Sure. I'm sleepy, the kids are in bed and I am dying for my pillow.