Friday, February 23, 2007

emotionally UN-stable

Looking back on where I've been in this life and where I plan to go, I realized, there's not a whole lot standing in my way. Well, unless you count my ever-expanding belly and the baby I'll deliver in about four months. But I don't personally consider that a "roadblock". Got me? Yea, I'm sure that will cause a minor slow down but won't necessarily put a permanent hault to my lifelong goals. It seems I've had oodles and gobs of time to sit around and think about what I want, what I need, and how I'm going to achieve these things since I left my job at the bank. Do I miss work? Hell yes. Do I want to go back right this very instant? Hell no. I'm quite content here in the present, but it just seems there is a lot of time for thinking. Even this damn blog, I could've updated it a million times already, but chose not to. I used to be able to sit down and write for hours, with no subject in mind or direction to be taken. Just write. Just relax. Nowadays, I couldn't write to save my life. I've hit a block and I don't like it. I've got all these pent up emotions and feelings screaming "LET ME OUT YOU CRAZY BITCH!!", and I can't seem to write 'em all down fast enough or even at all. Here they are, swirling around, taunting me and I can do anything but choke back the tears because I can't make 'em go away. Ok, I forsee about a million "prozac, zoloft, wellbutrin, and paxil" jokes headed my way, but I can't help it. Hell, if you are one of those "medicated" people like I used to be (No harm in being medicated!) then you know what I'm talking about. The never-ending fight for silence in your head. Even when I sleep they don't go away. I wake up still thinking about some problem or feeling. Where's your husband, you ask? HA HA!!! That's really a funny question because even when I do try and talk to him, he doesn't understand. As most men wouldn't. It's not about any one thing in particular or any one's just a whole lotta EVERYTHING. Overwhelmed. Someone needs to plop my ass down in the center of group therapy, give me a pink straight-jacket, and let me just TALK TALK TALK TALK TALK!! Hell, at this point I could talk to a wall. I should probably quit while I am ahead and go cook dinner. Everyone has these problems, right? Everyone needs a hug sometimes, right? Yeah, that's what I thought.

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