Friday, December 30, 2005

Friday, December 23, 2005

Caution: Emotions Ahead

It's only days before Christmas, and I am in the worst of moods. For some unknown reason, not one thing about this year has been memorable. The year, 2005, has brought hard-times, tears, heartbreaks, and sorrow. This is the one chapter of my life that I am happy to be writing the last few pages of. Between losing loved ones and moving on in this unforgiving world, there seems to be little time for anything else. At the tender, young age of nineteen, I'm proud to say that I've figured out the five most important things in life; family, health, friends, jobs, and integrity. These five things are like balls; family and health being glass, and friends, jobs, and integrity being rubber. The rubber balls will always bounce back, but once broken, the glass balls can never be replaced. As I sit here, in the dark, performing the one activity that I love so much: writing, I realize we're only promised today. Tomorrow is something a lot of people will never get to see. No matter how shitty I believe my day has been, or how tired I am, I thank God at the end of each and every day for my family, and my health, because honestly, everything else in life is just rubber, it'll bounce back. So, from this day forward, when I feel like giving up or giving in because I've had a bad day, someone is running their mouth, or I'm just hating life for no particular reason, I'll remind myself: It's just rubber........

Thursday, December 22, 2005

How I Live My Life

How You Life Your Life
You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness.You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

My Mood Today: HOMICIDE


Monday, December 19, 2005

Japanese Kids ROCK!!!!

Ok, so Japan is in the middle of a hip-hop fad right now. Which depresses me oh so much. "But why?" You ask. "Isn't that a good thing?" You'd think, but remember that everything Japan gets is filtered. So Japan defines hip-hop through MTV. Not cool. Not only that, but now they're trying *really hard* to be ghetto. No. It's like wiggers...only ten times worse. My friends and I have dubbed this "jiggers" for lack of a better term.
I went to a hip-hop club with a friend a few weeks ago, and pretty much everyone there was wearing the exact same thing. The guys ALL wore NY Yankees caps, to the side, a sweater, a coat, some "bling-bling" for good measure, and big pants. The girls all looked like a tit-less, ass-less version of Beyonce from one of her videos. I swear, it's like they went to K-Mart and bought "Hip-Hop in a Can" for $9.99 and popped it open....voila! I'm ghetto now! ...No you're not! The other thing that depressed me about this club was that no one really danced...they all "swayed" to the music, while holding cigarettes. In neatly arraigned lines. That's Japan for you.
Also, the DJ at one point screamed out "Everybody say HO!" and everyone just kind of stood there in confusion. As a music lover, but first and foremost as an English teacher, I had to fight the urge to rush up there, take the mike and yell "It's a command form! You're supposed to *do it*!"
So anyway, my bastard ninensei boys at the ghetto school have gotten caught up in the hip-hop craze. They wear big sweaters over their uniforms, and wear their pants around their thighs to simulate bagginess. They think they're the shit too, but when I look at them I just see kids who don't know how to wear pants. There's one ichinensei boy who is also a brat and idolizes these kids. He just sits in class and stares at me or the teacher, and if we try to give him work he swats it off his desk and laughs over how "cool" he is. One day I noticed something peculiar...his hair. Apparently, he wanted cornrows. But of course, he doesn't have the hair for cornrows. So he'd just shaved lines in his head to represent cornrows. I actually laughed quite a bit over this. And just in case you're thinking I was being a bit harsh, this kid is an absolute bastard so don't lose too much sleep over him.
This past week, one day in class the worst boy came over to me and wanted to talk. Ordinarily, I would have been happy to talk to him...if this wasn't in the middle of class. I told him to be quiet and go back to his seat. But he didn't care and pressed on. "Do you know Chingy? Chingy?" He asks. Some rapper or something, my idiot ex downloaded a song of his on my computer. Hey, I've been away for awhile, I have no idea who's in and who's not back in the states. "Yeah yeah, I know him, be quiet already." I say. The boy is highly pleased with this. "Of course you know Chingy, you're black!" Because, you know, all black people like rap and hip hop. Boy howdy, gimme some Chingy and some fried chicken, and I'll be one happy negro! *thumbs up*
I wish I could say it stopped there, but from that point forward, any time any ONE of the bad ninensei boys saw me they'd exclaim "You know Chingy? Chingy! You know his song?" Sigh. Friday was a holiday, but if I'd gone to school and heard "Chingy!" one more time, I think I seriously would've snapped and gone Tyler Durden/Fight Club on them. "You're not black. Listening to hip-hop will not make you black. Wearing bling-bling will not make you black. Wearing your pants around your ankles will not make you black. You're not your fucking MTV. You're a 14 year old Japanese schoolboy, and nobody thinks this is cool."
I don't even like Chingy

**this comes from a guy's website who teaches English to middle schoolers in Japan! I want his check out the rest of the funny shit that happens to him, go to

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


Don't think that no ones loved you,
because they've turned away.
Don't feel they didn't care for you,
because they couldn't stay.
Don't damn the world for not
returning the love you feel you've given.
Don't hate the one that you were yearning for,
because he couldn't make a commitment.
Just think of him as experience,
and think how much you've grown.
Think of him as the sacred prince
who placed you on a throne.
Think of all your times together,
feeling closer since you're apart.
Think of your plans of now and forever,
and hold them in your heart.
And don't let yourself feel so much hate
when he's no longer your other.
For when you're both at Heaven's gate,
that man will be your brother.

Habits, and Urges, and Addictions, oh my!

What is usually the hardest for me going through a breakup is fighting those relentless urges to contact my ex. "I just need some closure. I just need some answers 'why'. I just want to explain to them, plead with them, beg them, show them how I'm sorry. I just want to hear their voice, see their face, and have them see and hear mine. Maybe they'll realize how much they miss me...blah, blah, blah....yadda, yadda, yadda...." Ewww!!!! Those urges are just so annoying. But what drives me to follow through with them? To risk my pride, my dignity, my self-esteem, and self-respect and fall crumbling to my knees to plead with them? What are they, God or something? Geez! I'm are sorry-sack aren't I? *grins*. But we've all done it. We've all thought about planning 'accidental' meetings, dreamed of chance encounters and hoped for final conversations. We've all come up with emergency reasons to contact our ex–we've conjured up causes, and schemed, plotted, and coerced our friends to arrange it. So why do we do it and how can we cope with them? How do we fight urges that dominate our thinking and interfere with our daily routine?

I'm Movin' On

It is said that the second most intense life stress is loss of love. The first is death. But I question this? Both are final. Both, in most cases, result in the physical removal of someone special from your life. Both result in the loss of a way of life we have become familiar with. Both have resulted in hanging strings of things that were never said. However with death you have the peace of knowing you were in your lost loved one's heart. You were not abandoned purposely, cast aside, or rejected. With death you can take off work and get sympathy. You are given gifts of comfort and understanding. You can go through closing rituals and you can feel contentment that they are in a better place. But with breakups, separation, or divorce, even though you have the assurance that they are still alive somewhere on this Earth, their love was intentionally withdrawn from you! They opted to leave you. We no longer have their presence, nor their care. They no longer want us. Either way, death or breakup, you had little say or control over the situation. I've often wondered if I had been able to deal with my loss easier if my ex had been taken away from me at God's will while he still loved me, instead of his intentional, direct withdrawal of his love for me on his own volition. That's not to say I wish him dead, oh my! That's just to say I think my own personal grief would have been less self-destructive and more accepted and socially supported. I have been through both the death of a loved one, and the intentional physical and emotional withdrawal of a loved one, and I would have to say grief over breakup, separation, or divorce can be equally as devastating–if not more–than grief over the death of your loved one.
In death you lose your loved one's physical presence in both your present time and your future. But in the loss through breakup we haven't just lost one's physical presence in our lives, but their love, also. We experience grief over the loss of their mental, emotional, and spiritual presence, too, along with our own sense of value and self-worth, our pride, our ego, our dreams, our hopes, our security, and our feelings of being loved. We feel rejected, not good enough, not lovable, unwanted, and cast aside. We feel taken for granted and unappreciated for all we have done. We have gone from being everything to being nothing in a moment flat! But what kind of people would we be if we didn't grieve? Doesn't our grief stem from our having been loving, devoted, caring, committed, trusting and involved? Would we really want to be the type of person that is so cold, callous, without emotion, and self-centered that we could easily just dismiss such a breakup and walk away unscathed?..."

Phone Call from the Past

After dealing with PastGirlfriend all day Sunday, I figured I was in the clear for another couple months or so. WRONG! About midnight last night I get a call from Past. Now, seeing how I dated him for almost 3 years, he more than anyone, should know that I do not like to be interrupted while I'm sleeping. Apparently, when your drunk or high, you have no concept of time. I was woke up by "I'd give you a ring, and promise you things I always thought we'd do" what an appropriate song, it's Best of Intentions and it just happens to be Past's ringtone.
Past:"Why did you tell her that I called you while I was in Huntsville?"
Me:Hello, who is this?"
Past:"You know who this is..."
Me:"Listen mother fucker, if I knew who the hell was calling and waking me up at midnight I damn sure wouldn't have asked 'who is this' again."
Past:"It's Josh."
Me:"I'm sleeping, I have to get up in 4 hours to go to work! I know you don't know what that means or grasp the concept of a job, but I do."
**I hung up on him and not two minutes later he calls back**
Past:"Answer my question Meghan"
Me:"You can't tell me what to do anymore. If you didn't want her to find out, then you shouldn't have called me. Since your "engaged" now, it's only best for the marriage that I tell her everything you do when she's not around."
Past:"Your screwing my relationship up."
Me:"What relationship? If all it takes is me calling and telling her some bullshit story to get her to dump your sorry ass, that's not a very strong and trusting relationship. Once again, I'm sleeping tell that bitch to quit calling me, because I DO NOT call her anymore, ya'll seem to make it a habit when the other's not around to call me and get shit started. Geez, Josh at least I trusted your stupid ass enough to let you go pee by yourself."
PastGirlfriend(in the background) "I'm not going to quit calling you"
Me:"Tell that skank ass whore of a girlfriend that you have if she calls me one more time, I'm filing harassment charges on both of you. I've told ya'll repeatedly to leave me out of your screwed up, no job having, drug addicted, lives. If you think your Mother won't back me on this 100% try me."
Past(yelling at the whore)" Shut up Heather, she isn't talking to you."
Me:"Put me on speaker phone."
Past:"You are, that's how she heard you."
Me:"Good, then I hope she's listening when I that this is the last god damned warning I will give either of you. Quit calling me when ya'll get fucked up and pissed off at each other, because I could care less about what's happening or why she kicked you out again. Your both on probation and if you think I won't call your probation officers, try me."
Past:"I just don't understand why you feel the need to tell her everytime I call you."
Me:"Did ya hear that tramp? He just admitted to calling me. This is the man that you want to marry!" "Good luck to both of you, I'm getting off the phone because you both are a waste of my time and life space all together."
**After I hung up this time, he didn't call back; but I did get a nice text message that said
"If you want us back together, you have to quit telling her everything." So, I did what any ex girlfriend that is trying her hardest to stay away from her ex, I forwarded to his girlfriend. I'm sure she'll want to marry him now. He honestly makes me sick, we have been going through this crap for the last 8 months and I'm sick of it. I don't call them, and they should not call me. Everytime they get drunk or high, they feel the need to call and start shit. Acting like I care about them or what's going on now. If I really wanted to get back at him, I could; but I'm not going to stoop to his level and act like a child.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Past Mistakes.....

I'm going through life again, no word from Past, because he's "working" and all that is just great with me. If I don't have to talk to him, then I don't have to worry about what a screw up he is, or how great of a mistake I made when I got with him. I'm enjoying my weekend and went to dinner and a movie with friends to see Chronicles of Narnia, which by the way, was great. I remember reading the books in school, and loved them then too. The movie actually followed the books. Anyways, I get home a phone call Sunday morning that went a little something like this:
Me: "Hello"
Me:"Yea, what do you want?"
PastGirlfriend:"I need some advice."
Me:What did Past do now?"
PastGirlfriend:"Nothing, we got engaged, and I don't know if I should marry him or not."
Me:"I know I've always wanted to marry someone whose family hates me, can't support their child, can't hold a steady job, and is addicted to any type of drug you put in front of their face."
PastGirlfriend:"Yea, I was thinking about that. I don't know if I should go through with it or not."
Me:"I don't know why your calling me, because 1. I don't care if ya'll are engaged or not 2. I could give a shit less if you wanted my advice, because you don't listen anyway 3.Why in the hell are you calling me?"
PastGirlfriend:"Well, you dated him for almost 3 years, and he still talks to you, so I figured I would call and ask."
Me:"No, you called to try and start shit because you think I give a fuck about him still, and I don't. I told you a long time ago that I didn't and for both you of to stop calling me. Congratulations on the divorce, I've gotta go."
PastGirlfriend: "You think we'll get divorced?"
Me:"Once his mother finds out, you won't even be getting married. I have to go, I don't have time for the petty bullshit. I told you that I didn't give a fuck about either of you, and ya'll continue to call me, both of you calling me and telling me that ya'll got engaged is not going to hurt me, make me cry, or make me wish that I was still with him. All it is making me do is be very happy that you got what I didn't want anymore, and happier that I realized what a fuck up he is. I've never been happier in my life to know that I do not have to look or deal with someone again."

**I then hung up on her and went about my day. I didn't cry, or feel sad that they were engaged because honestly, I'm happier than ever that I don't have to put up with him anymore. About 5 or 6 hours went by and my phone rings again. It's none other than the screw up himself:
Past:"Do you know who this is?"
Me:"I'm guessing its the fuck up of my last ex boyfriend that can't hold a steady job or support his child, so he figured he would justify all that by getting engaged to some drug head tramp that his family hates."
Past:"Damnit Meghan, don't start please."

Me:"You called me, what do you need?"
Past:"What do you think about all this?"
Me:"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God?"
Past:"I've got a feeling that this isn't going to make me happy, but yea I do."
Me:"Ok, here goes; why in God's name would you want to marry some tramp that your family despises, when you have no job, are in debt up to your ears, can't support your child, whom should come before any piece of ass and free rent in this world, and when that tramp quit her part-time job because she couldn't trust you while you were "working". Do you realize in the last 2 years, you have worked 28 days! That's it, 28 freakin days, Josh. Your now even more in debt than you were before. You're avoiding your family because of it, and you refuse to leave that piece of trash you call a girlfriend, to do anything about it. You know your Mother hates her, and she will never be allowed nor welcomed in your family and she better not have dreams of becoming Brenton's step-mommie, because that damn sure will never happen." "Have you even told your Mother what you've gotten yourself into now?"

Past:"No, but I'm sure you will as soon as we hang up."
Me:"Your damn right I will. Do you realize how ridiculous you both are for calling your ex-girlfriend to get "advice" on what to do? I'm going to tell you just like I told that tramp, I could give a shit less what you're doing, where you're at, who you're with, or why you're doing it. I got over you a long time ago, and I told you both a long time ago to leave me out of whatever ya'll are doing. This isn't upsetting me or making me wish I had you back. This is pissing me off because ya'll won't leave me alone, and making me the happiest I've ever been for not having to deal with you or your problems."
Past:"I should've stayed with you, or gotten back with you a long time ago."

Me:"There was one point where I would've taken you back in a heartbeat, but everyday you continue to prove what a mess your life is and how you could careless about what happens in it."
Past:"I do care what happens to my life."
Me:"What about your son whose fixing to be sent to live in the depths of hell with your ex-wife because you can't pull your head out of your ass long enough to even pretend like you care. I know you love him, but you could atleast give a shit what happens to him."
Past:"I guess I was wrong in believing that if I called you, you would support me on this, but once again you've sided with my Mother."
Me:"Your damn right I have. You are fixing to make the biggest mistake of your life, and I'm not going to do a damn thing about it." "From day one, your family and I have been bailing you out of every damn situation you get youself into, and I'm sick of it. I thought when I kicked you out and you swore to me that I'd never see you again, that I'd be done with it. Damnit Josh, I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you calling and disrupting me and my life, I'm sick of trying to talk some sense into that thick ass head of yours, and I'm sick of you treating me and your family like a sack of shit." "You go around doing whatever the hell you want, whenever you want, and expect us to stand by and what you screw up yet again." "We've tried every damn thing we know to keep you from screwing up, you've been given numerous opportunities to help yourself, and because it didn't benefit your habits or your penis, you walked away." "If you could move back in to your mother's and deal with no girlfriend, beer, or drugs for a couple months, you might realize what a mess your life is, but instead you'd rather run around like a drunken, unemployed wild child with a tramp ass girlfriend." You are the most selfish, ungrateful person I have ever met and for one in my life I'm glad to not be attached or associated with you."
Past:"Are you done yet?" " I knew when I called that you were going to yell at me, but I didn't think you would take it this far as to hurt my feelings."
Me:"I'm glad your feelings are hurt, think about all the other people's feelings you've hurt, and you never once gave a shit."
Past:"I do care, you know I care about you; I always did and always will."
Past:"Ok, I'm getting of the phone, I'm sure you need to call my mother anyway, and I'm tired of you yelling at me and putting me down."
Me:"Get used to it, because I have no respect for someone that doesn't take responsibilities for their actions, or their children, and can't hold a steady job because they'd rather party. Your grown Josh, it's time to start acting like it." "You always wonder why your Mother likes me and doesn't like Heather, lets compare her and I real quick. I have a full-time job, I have my own apartment, I pay numerous bills on my own, I'm paying off a brand new car, ON MY OWN, and I depend on not one person in this world to do all of that. Heather, on the other hand, quit her job to go watch over you while you worked, because she didn't trust you, lives with her best friend's parents, doesn't have a car because her license got suspended when she got a DWI, and is addicted to anything you put in front of her stupid ass." "Now, who do you think looks better in your Mother's eyes?"
Past:"You, but not everyone can be as perfect as you are."
Me:"I'm not perfect Josh, and I never said I was. I just realized early on that you can't depend on someone else for everything you need. I work for everything I have, and you have to keep working to acquire more, everyone has to grow up sometime, I just did it before you. When we first got together, your Mother didn't like me, and I didn't like her either, but instead of talking crap about one another like children, we were able to talk openly and honestly about everything. She told me what she wanted me to do and what I could do to earn her respect and approval, and I busted my ass to do that. I got a better job, a new apartment, and out of my mother's house."
Past:" I guess we all need to be more like you."
Me:"Ok, your missing the point. I didn't say everyone had to be like me, I said GROW UP AND QUIT DEPENDING ON EVERYONE ELSE TO BAIL YOUR ASS OUT OF EVERYTHING!"
Past:"I can tell your upset, so I'm getting off the phone for real this time. I'll quit calling you and leave you be with your life."
Me:You'll never leave me be, but I'd appreciate you telling your "girlfriend" or whatever she is, to quit calling me because I don't give a rat's ass about what ya'll are doing now. You don't need my approval to screw up again. Call your Mother, and let her know what your doing now."
Past:"I'm not calling her, you know you'll call her anyway."
Me:"No I'm not, it's not my job to report your every doing to her, and it's too late to call over there anyway." "I will be calling her tomorrow though."

Past:"Fine, ya'll always gang up against me anyway."
Me:"Well when you continue to screw up, someone's got to do it. I'll talk to you later."
Past:"Bye Meghan."
Me:"Bye Past."

**we get off the phone and I think about everything he's done since we've been apart, and I'm truly glad that my name's not attached to it. I don't regret being with him, I regret not getting away a lot sooner.

Friday, December 09, 2005


One of the many perks of my job is that I have to have direct deposit. It's mandatory, it's in the company handbook.....blah blah blah. Well, knowing me any my rebellious self, I just had to go against that. I filled out the paperwork to stop the direct depositing of MY money, so set forth the wheels a turning. Human resources kindly informed me, that it usually takes 2 pay periods to stop the depositing, and I was going to need to write a letter explaining why I didn't want it deposited. After all, it IS company policy, and it IS in the employee handbook, and it IS a big NO NO. I write the letter, take it down to Human resources, then they inform me that the President of our company has to sign off on it. I'm thinking "God, here we go. It's my money, I worked for it, why can't I decide where it goes." I get to his office and....
Me:"Knock, Knock Bob."
Bob:"Hey Meghan, what can I help you with?"
Me:"Human resources chick said that you had to sign off on this."
Bob:"Let me see what you have there."
(I hand him the letter, he reads, he looks up at me....)
Bob:Well, Meghan, are you sure you want to do this?"
Me:"Yes sir, I don't use the account other than to pay one bill."
Bob:"What can I do to stop this?"
Me:(smiling from ear to ear)"You can give me a raise and I'll direct deposit it all day long."

Bob:(he's laughing and grabbing a pen) "No, I'll sign it."
Me(thinking what a tight ass, I know if I was the President of a company and my employees wanted a raise, I'd give it to them) "Thank you."
Bob:"Your welcome, Meghan."
*~* It was well worth a shot, but in the end, I rebelled again and I won!!!! Hoo-Ride for Me!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Blame It on Mexico.....

When you live in Little Mexico, as I do, sleep and quiet times are few and far between. I've been living in my cozy little apartment for almost a year now. When I first moved in, I loved it. I had no neighbors on either side of me, and the ones below me were hardly ever home. Ever since hurricane Katrina came through, I've been living in Mexican talkin, arguing all night long, heathen ass kids with no apparent bedtimes, and pure Spanish hell. For the last 4 months, I cannot recall one night where I haven't had to call the cops for blaring music, screaming kids at midnight during the week, spousal abuse, you name it, and their doing it. The cops that came out last night for the spousal abuse, arrested the husband. He, for the last 2 and a half hours, had been screaming at the top of his Mexican lungs "NOOOO ELENA!!!" Apparently, she wanted to leave with the kids, and he wouldn't let her. Man, give it up and let the woman go. After the cops left, it was silence for the next 3 minutes. Then my phone rings, and it's Eddie. I love talking to Eddie, he can always calm me down and bring my back to normal, if there is such a thing. Everytime we get off the phone I feel relieved and ready to fall asleep. We talked for about an hour about other people's habits, and doings, and kids, and the usual stuff, then got off the phone so he could get back to work and I could try and get some much needed sleep. I laid down, almost to sleep and I hear "Jesus, take the wheel; take it from my hands, cause I can't do this on my own...." It's my cell phone letting me know that just one more person wants to interrupt my sleep tonight. I answer it, I talk, I hang it up, I call the cat back to bed, because she's jumped up and ran off when the phone scared the bejesus out of both of us, and together we curl up, purring and fall asleep. No dreams tonight, just deep, relaxing sleep. I remember not a another thing until 4:30 this morning when I hear the constant BEEP BEEP BEEP of my alarm clock. Fine, evil sleep-monster, you win another night of this constant battle for sleep. When do I get to sleep again? When can I lay down and fall asleep with no screaming, no cops, no celly ring ring in my ear? I might as well have 4 newborns in the house..........ha yea right. Here starts another day of sleepy working and endless yawning. One of these days I'm going to get that sleep, it's just a matter of time now!!!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Just For Fun, What Are Your Answers?

A: Area Code You Are In Right Now: 97?
B: Birthday: September 29
C: Current Crush: too many
D: Favorite Drink: Monster Energy Drink and Malibu
E: Eating Currently: leftover lasagna
F: Favorite Food: Stuffed Shrimp from Giovanni's
G: Who Do You Go To For Advice: Mom, friends, tarot particular order
H: Happy or Sad: Happy
I: I think: everyone should get away for a while
J: Job: Title Abstractor.
K: Any Kids: nope
L: I Love: sitting on the beach, by myself, and watching the sun go down over the water
M: Favorite Movie: Stephen King's Riding the Bullet
N: Your Phone Number: haha funny
O: One regret: Letting fear and past relationships hold me back
P: Favorite Perfume or Cologne: Victoria Secret's Amber Romance
Q: A Little Quirk About Yourself: I still sleep with a night light
R: Last Road Trip: 13 1/2 hours in the car with 2 dogs, 1 cat, 2 heathen kids, and a nagging mother to San Angelo
S: Tell Us One Secret: I'm afraid of falling completely, and utterly in love
T: Favorite TV Show: Gilmore Girls
U: Color of your Underwear: what underwear?
V: Last Time You Were in Vegas: Never been.
W: Wishful Thinking: Darren home for Christmas
X: X-Rays Taken This Year: None thank god
Y: Your Favorite Year of your Life: My 19th. I spent it in Cancun
Z: Zodiac Sign: Libra

Monday, December 05, 2005

Meghan: Completely Revealed

  • Birth Date: September 29
  • Birth Location: Galveston, Tx
  • Sun Sign: Libra

The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

Harmony and balance are your keynotes. You instinctively understand the need to accommodate other peoples' interests and desires, and you are always fair and willing to meet the other person half way. Tactful, diplomatic, and with considerable social awareness, you do all you can to avoid conflict and discord. You express a spirit of cooperation and compromise and often achieve through charm and discretion what would have been impossible to achieve by a direct, forceful approach.

Mental Interests and Abilities

One of your greatest assests is your ability to see both sides of an issue, and to negotiate and bring about compromise and reconciliation. Tactful, reasonable, and with considerable social finesse, you work well with people in business as well as in personal relationships. You are objective and somewhat detached from emotional bias, and make an excellent consultant, mediator, or public relations person. You insist upon fairness and seek to bring harmony or at least peaceful coexistence between people, and your diplomacy is a benefit in any business situation. You also have a fine aesthetic sensitivities and could work in an artistic or cultural environment.

Old Friends and New Beginnings

In the past 2 weeks, I've gotten 2 calls from friends that I haven't talked to in almost 2 months. When Eddie called last week, at 10:30 on a weekday, I was more than happy to answer the phone. He "saved" me from the horrible, depths of hell of a nightmare that I was having. We talked for about an hour and a half, just catching up on each other's lives and making plans that will probably never see the light of day. Then last night, I was sitting on the couch relaxing after a work out from hell that, by the way kicked my ass, and my phone starts singing the usual "Lemme see if you can run it, run it..." It's Johnathan. He's Eddies' best friend, roommate, and accomplice in crime. I answered the phone and we did the usual "what's been going on", "how are you", catch up bullshit. Now Johnathan is usually very chipper,happy go lucky, always in a good mood. Last night, he sounded like someone had just run over his favorite dog. I asked him what was wrong and kinda ran circles around the question, so I decided not a push it. We talked some more about work, and families, and going out, and then got off the phone so I could get to bed. I'm brushing my teeth and washing my face, and the phone starts singing "Come Monday" by Jimmy Buffet, this is the "text message" ringtone. Who other than Johnathan. He says "It was good to talk to you, stranger." I agree with this, Johnathan was a great friend, and fun to hang out with. We just got tied up in our lives and calling was beyond either of us. Anyhow, we made plans to hang out Tuesday night, so I guess that's what we'll do. Heres to old friends and new beginnings......

Friday, December 02, 2005

If I Was A Pulp Fiction Character.....

I'd Be Honey Bunny..........
It has to be YOUR way. When it isn't, you panic, but hold your ground. You keep your gun pointed and trigger finger ready, but you'd never really hurt anyone. Though you like being tough, feeling control, you often enjoy blending in and being part of the ordinary human race.

Nightmares Come True..............

If you read my post yesterday, you'll know what I mean when I say "what a fucked a dream I had". No, doesn't ring any bells? Well then I suggest you go back and read it. Anywho, I rarely sleep through the night, I can't tell you the last time I slept, didn't dream, and didn't wake up every thirty or fourty five minutes. Sometimes, I wake up, look at the clock, and go right back to sleep. Other times, I wake up, and pace around my house for an hour before I get tired again. Don't ask me why because I don't know. This has been going on for a long time, so I've gotten used to it. I adjust my schedule to fit the nightmares. Well, here recently, in the past couple of years, the nightmares have gotten worse, I'm not sleeping near enough during the week, and the nightmares are coming true. Call it coincedence, or whatever. About a year and a half ago, I had one of these nightmares and in it, I killed myself. No Mom, nothing to worry about. Well, the next day I was awkward feeling, something bad was going to happen. Sure enough, later that night I found out that my uncle had committed suicide. The same way I had in the nightmare. I had another of these dreams the night before last and it came true too. I won't go into details about what happened or to whom, because thats not fair to the family. What in the world is going on here? I believe in psychics, and afterlife, and tarot cards................I know it sounds crazy, but what if?

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Good Cough Medicine = Bad Dreams

In the land of Meghan, I rarely get to bed before 9:00 p.m. during the week. However, on those rare occasions that I do make it in bed before then, I am bound to be jolted from sleep, for some unknown reason. Last night, was anything but an exception. I left work at 3:30 to pick up a friend's daughter from daycare and run a couple of errands before I went home. After all the "rat-killing" as my father calls it, I got home around 6:00 p.m. I was tired, I was hungry, I wasn't feeling well. I resolved myself to pajamas, cajun-chicken salad, and the comfort of my couch. I had taken some cough medicine around 7, so I didn't wake myself up in the middle of the night, and must've fallen asleep on the couch. Well, true to kitty-cat form, Hemp woke me up purring really loud in my ear. I pushed her off, turned off the t.v., and crawled into my bed. Within minutes, I was sound asleep. I'm not sure how long after that the nightmares started. I was having one of those "real dreams", where you can feel yourself in it, and doing everything thats happening, you get the idea. I remember sitting by the pool, I was in an episode of cops, and wearing some god-awful plaid dress. I stood up, because my father,the cop, was telling me that it wasn't safe to be outside anymore. I got it, put on a hideous bright orange jacket complete with orange boa feathers around the neck and sleeves, and walked outside of the pool area. Out of nowhere, three girls appear whom I must've been friends with. Next, I feel myself walking towards the stairs, and talking to the mystery girls. I turn around to see where my father is, and out of the dark, a man appears. The man is dressed in jean, blue jean jacket, and kiss make-up on his face. He is carrying a baseball bat, and a gun. I yell at my dad that he is fixing to shoot us, and feel my heart start pounding and all of the sudden everything goes black and I feel myself get shot, and quit breathing. I woke up, covered in sweat, crying, standing up in the middle of my bed, and talking on the phone. Eddie, thank god for him, must've called and woke me up because I don't remember answering the phone. I just remember getting some apple juice, sitting on the couch, and feeling so relieved that he had called, and
Me:"Eddie, I am so freakin' happy that you called."
Eddie:"Why? Whats wrong?"
Me:"I have having a horrible nightmare!" (and I go on to explain it to him)
Eddie"See, I knew you needed me, so I called."
Me:"Your the fuckin' greatest ever. I love you sooo much right now!"
Eddie"I know you do. How have you been doing, aside from the nightmares of getting killed?"
**we talk for about an hour, just catching up on the latest in each other's lives, because we haven't talked for about a month. After we got off the phone, I crawled back in bed and sent him a text message that said "It was really good to hear from you, you saved me tonight." It wasn't too long after I got back into bed, that I fell into a deep, undisturbed sleep. When I woke up this morning, and all day, I've had this feeling that something is really wrong. I can't figure out what, or who, or's just a feeling of uneasyness, unsure, and something really bad. I've been in a weird, cautious mood all day, like I'm waiting for the sky to fall or something. I thought I had figured it out when I almost got ran over this morning, but that wasn't it. I work in downtown Houston, and people here are a little less than genius drivers. I was crossing the street(the little walk man sign was on) when a man that had just turned the corner slammed his truck into reverse, and came barreling backwards right towards me. I just barely jumped onto the curb when he slammed on his brakes, inches from me. What did the asshole do? Rolled his window down, smiled, and waved; as if to say "Sorry 'bout that"........I have no idea why he was going backwards on a one way street in downtown Houston, but I wasn't sticking around to find out.'s to Eddie and his impeccable timing last night....I love him so freakin' much......