Friday, September 03, 2010

The Grown Up Things

Wow, where have I been these last seven months? I can tell you where I haven't been, here and in Hell. Time seems to slip through my fingers when I'm chasing down my 3 year old and working. There's been some ups and downs along the road and some things have yet to work themselves out, but what's done is done. The world is always going spin and we're always going to co-exist. I'm a firm believer in "if it's mean to be, it'll happen" but I also am extremely impatient. So, in the Lollipop Guild when things don't start the way I'd want them to or WHEN I want them to, I tend to start kicking and screaming like an angry toddler who was just told they couldn't have an ice cream in the grocery store. I'm starting to realize that things can't always be MY way. There needs to be a two-way street of give and take and when everything falls into place, I'll be where I need to be. It takes hard work to remain civil with people you can't stand and to calmly hold your tongue when all you really want to do is scream "What the hell is your problem, jerk?!" This too goes along with not getting what you want when you want it. Most of you have probably learned this lesson early on and I'm showing up late to the party with a half empty six pack asking "Who's ready to party?" That's just me, I've always done things in my own time and how I want them to be done. Apparently, once you have children that shit goes out the window. I now run on Addi-time. It's 24/7 what she wants and when she wants it. Howcome nobody ever told me how selfish my child would be? Who is she to think I have to jump when she says? I'M the one that used to make people jump. She pulled the ole' switcheroo on me. I really wouldn't have it any other way. People keep saying, or at least I hear this quite often on Teen Mom, "you have to grow up, you have a child now." I think I pretty much did just that. It's all about her, what makes her happy, what makes her laugh, and what is best for her. And, there it is. My lame ass excuse as to why I haven't sat down in 7 months and updated this. I don't think it's exactly "lame" but you can call it whatever you want. this thing on? Can you hear me?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Rundown on Me

Ohhh....where to begin. Life isn't a peachy keen as it was during my last post. My beautiful baby girl is 2 1/2 years old now. She's the spitting image of me; mean like me; bossy like me; and 110% demonic. She's growing so fast and it's unreal how much she changes each day. Her new favorite saying? "Fuck off!" Yeah, I don't need to hear it from anyone, I already know. Mommy has a potty mouth and now my baby girl does too. I make an honest effort to censor what I say around her, but she always manages to be around when I slip. Hell, I'm only human and I figure her potty mouth is way better than her having a raging crack habit. My once happy marriage has now dissolved into mush...on my doing. I honestly don't think I was ever truly happy there. I think it was too fast and too much for me and it all kinda hit home at a time where I was more than capable of taking care of myself and my mini-monster. It wasn't an overnight ordeal either. It'd been coming for awhile and I tried and tried to fight it, but in the end, my own selfishness and need for independance won. As always. I'm happy now. My feet are cold at night, but I'll manage. Addi is happy, she isn't showing many signs of stress or shock from us moving out so I guess doing this while she was still pretty young was best for her. She loves her Daddy. All little girls do. I don't think him and I were ever supposed to live together and be together forever; however I do believe everything happens for a reason and whatever that reason is we have an amazingly well-rounded daughter together. Him and I don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things (and no, my miniature stature has nothing to do with this) and in the end, our vast differences were too big for me to ignore any longer. He didn't want this, but being the selfish asshole I am, I didn't take his opinion into consideration when I made my choice to leave. He's been pretty OK with the last few months though. He sees Addi when he's not working and that's all I ask of him. Enough with that now..
Work: I LOVE my job. I work with a great group of people who make me laugh hysterically everyday and who drive me batshit crazy all at the same time. Who the hell would've thought that merchant processing was any kind of fun?! Actually, its not; it's highly stressful, emotionally and mentally demanding, and ridiculously repetitive, but my co-workers make it fun. We all get along great (with the exception of this one old bag) and we truly enjoy working with each other. Oh, and they bring in a massage therapist every once in a while so we can all get a little rubdown. No happy ending included.
School: I'm like INCHES away from my Bachelor's Degree. I cannot wait to graduate and join the world of criminal investigation. I live for bloody, gory messes and I'm looking forward to throwing a few scumbags to the ground and holding my gun to their head. Seriously, and especially those sick fucks who prey on little children. Watch out, perv!
Life in General: I'm here. I'm happy. I'm living. I've got this one guy that lives in the land of sand stuck in my head for some reason lately. I have no clue why. I haven't talked to him in probably 3 years. Every once in a while he'll pop into my head and stay for a few weeks. I talked to his Mom today and left my number for him. I hear he's still playing around halfway across the world, but should be back in town on Monday. She gave me his number, but who knows. Maybe he'll call and maybe he'll get the message and not even have a clue who the hell I am. Eitherway, it makes me feel better knowing he's still alive. He was so much fun back then. He kept me company at work (or got me in a lot of trouble while I was there because we'd talk for so long) I kinda miss him. Funny thing is, when he's home; we only live about 45 minutes apart.
Here's to you, Cupcake. I heard you're alive and doing well and that makes me smile. If you're reading this, your mom has my number.