Thursday, July 27, 2006

The House I Call a Home

From day one, Peter and I have made decisions together, side-by-side, from the start. Just last week we talked about putting tile throughout the entire house, and even picked out which tile we wanted. Today, after a rather disturbing and eye-opening conversation with Clay's teacher, Peter decided to start ripping up the carpet in the back hallway. Did he ask or inform me of his intentions? No. Am I upset about it? A little. I left to go get coffee, and was gone a total of twenty minutes. When I returned, the carpet had been completely ripped up and there is nothing but cement in it's place. Bare floor. That's it. My first thought was, "Oh my god, the kids will be here tomorrow and be walking on these bare, cement floors." I knew why he has all of the sudden decided to do this. He's compensating for not being able to fix his youngest child. Clay has some emotional issues that need to be worked out, and Peter is at a loss as to what to do about them. We've decided to have Clay start seeing a therapist to start working out his anger issues. I know Peter feels like he can't fix Clay, so he has to fix the house. An even trade-off? Not particularly, but it makes him feel better. I know we've both got a long way to go with working out issues among ourselves, our relationship, and our children. Are the children mine biologically? No. Are they mine because I am with their father? Yes. I knew when Peter and I got together, the children were included. I love the kids to death, and I love them like they were mine. I want the best for them, and I don't like not being able to help Clay overcome whatever it is that is bothering him and causing so much anger within him. I know he's only three, and not quite old enough or mature enough to express himself in a healthy, violence free way, but at this point, if we don't do something soon, he is going to be kicked out of daycare. Do I want our three year old being kicked out of a prestigous daycare? No. I feel as if I am torn between the two. On one hand, he isn't my child and maybe I shouldn't be worried about him, but on the other hand, Peter and I make decisions together and Peter asks me daily about what I think. We, as a family, need to help Clay. Clay needs a very stuctured, disciplined enviroment where he can learn, and express himself freely. The answer to that, you ask? Anger management. I am willing to bet my life that Clay is emotionally devastated by Peter and his mother's divorce. He doesn't know how to talk about it, so he resorts to hitting and temper tantrums when he is upset. We'll see how everything turns out. All in all, Clay is a great kid. He's loving, and very smart. Wish me luck.....

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