Friday, September 09, 2005

I'm Holding A Key.....

that doesn't fit any locks. Sitting here all by myself, my heart up on a shelf; my house don't feel like home to me. I keeping glancing at the clock on the wall, it feels like time is standing still is all. Ever since he went away, I've been feeling this way. What I really want to say to him just doesn't come as easy as it does here. I see him and completely break down. I want to see him, I want to be with him, I want hold him, and put my arms around him. Why can't I tell him that to his face? Why can't I tell him that when he calls? Its so hard for me to talk to him, it always has been, and I don't know why. Maybe because I'm scared of the way I feel. I want him back, but do I really, really want him back? I love him, but can I live without him? I've got all these questions and not one answer. I've tried talking to him about it, but he just tells me he loves me, and things will work out, and that he misses me. I'm tired of hearing that, I want results and I want them now. I wasted too much time listening to bullshit excuses. I need something real, something to look forward to, and not just a beer when I get home from work. When does this end? Why did it start? Hell, I give up.....I'm not Dr. Phil, and I believe that if he really feels the way he says he does, it will work out. If he needs me that much, he'll be there. Anyone want to take bets?

2 comments:

HerMom said...

This breaks my heart!! Why am I having to read your blog to find out how you're REALLY doing? I thought we were closer than that

LoveMeHell said...

Its easier to type, I'm doing Ok! If I wasn't, you would know about it. I just miss him a lot!